I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
