Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
