I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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