yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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