I wish I could teleport
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
