Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
