just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
