I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
