Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
