omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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