I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
