Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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