is your mom at the bar?
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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