I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
