i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
