why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
