thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
