Where is the hickey?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
