I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Mom said you looked used
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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