Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You ruined the universe
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
