you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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