thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
