can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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