I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
