drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I pour the whiskey from now on
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
