does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize