If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
