What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You dont lie about slip and slides
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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