I wish I only lived at night.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
