is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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