Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
