Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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