I smell stomach acid.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
