i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
