this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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