Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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