Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
