my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Naked Twister starts at high noon
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Can I color on your dick again?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize
