I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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