So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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