Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Randomize
