U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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