I must be too annoying 4 u.
that's an acceptable place to lick
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
