he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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