I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
