When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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