K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
