Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
