yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
