I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
