All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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