oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
