I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
