fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
