She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize