thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
