Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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