My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The beers last night were like the tears from god
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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