Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's official drugs can't kill me
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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