You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
