Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
