if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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