How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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