I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
