So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize