Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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