So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
