dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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