I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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