I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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