If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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