shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
