I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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