Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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