so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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