It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
