Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
