I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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