You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
