Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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