just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
