Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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