I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
