Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
