ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
