last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
