hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Two words: blizzard sex
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize