no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
