She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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