I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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