just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
